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Signs Your Long Distance Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

Learn how to tell if your long distance boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you. Don’t stay in the dark, find the signs and get rid of them, ASAP!

Cheating Partner In Long Distance Relationship

If we’re to be honest, long distance relationships are NOT for everyone.

Many people do not have it in them to remain faithful and there’s too much cheating going on.

If you’re wondering how to tell if your long distance partner is cheating on you, we are here to help.

We’ve gathered a set of foolproof signs to help you (both men & women) confirm whether they’re cheating or not. We’re really hoping, it’s just your mind playing tricks on you!

Before making any decisions you should read our previous post where we discussed about 12 Signs Your Long Distance Relationship Is Working.

Signs of Long Distance Cheating Boyfriend

OK, so you’ve started having thoughts about him having an affair, which is quite reasonable with the distance and all. What do you do?

Call him at 3am crying, yelling, accusing him of ruining your life, all the while being at the verge of having a heart attack? NO!

Call him the next day and pick up a huge fight out of nowhere? Again, NO!

Book a flight to get him caught with her? Seriously? NO!

In short, you abstain from doing things that are undignified and well, not classy. You’re a girl of breeding and class. You’ll handle it differently. So put aside your boxing gloves. Maybe another day. First, you need to be sure he’s cheating.

Emotional Detachment

You started noticing certain emotional changes; he seems disinterested in talking with you, forgets to call you back, or answer your texts. He’s more aloof, than present in your discussions.

You also notice how instead of trying to remedy this distance, he’s creating even more. He’s actually isn’t bother by it and doesn’t feel detached (or so he claims).

Secretive and Irritable

When people engage in illicit behavior they act strange, they constantly fear others will find out.

Men are no EXCEPTION, if he’s too secretive, strategically avoiding talking about his day, or sidestepping your efforts to catch him lying, these are worrying signs.

Support, What Support?

You’re communicating less and less, and the worst is that whenever you need him, he always seems to vanish somehow.

You notice how inconsistent he is, making promises he won’t keep, his schedule is now surprisingly full with his buddies and work, having absolutely no time to spare.

The Return of the “I” clause

Somewhere along the way you notice how much more self-absorbed he’s become. He’s no longer the one, sharing his plans about you two, he’s now focused on himself.

(This might be only natural and just a coincidence, mind you. Since you’re apart, it’s sensible that he now thinks of himself as a unit separated from you.)

Nonetheless, if he starts making future plans that only include himself, or worse he starts to take back promises and plans, like cancelling visits, making them more rare, these are signs that you should not ignore.

Abrupt Lifestyle Changes

You’ve dedicated a whole three years to convince him to stop drinking and start going to the gym. No use. All of a sudden, he tells you how super-excited he is about his life makeover:

  • wardrobe update,
  • house redecorating,
  • gym, and Muay Thai and KickBoxing.

So what’s his deal you ask? He’s most definitely trying to impress her, or just had an epiphany. You decide what is more plausible.

These are the most prevalent telltale signs of a long distance cheating boyfriend, not every man will go through it all. (Read last para to know the next step)

Others for instance might become to kind and affectionate to recompensate for their wrong-doing, others will have sudden emotional shifts, like being too happy or depressed.

Signs of a Long Distance Cheating Girlfriend

What about women, do they have a similar pattern of behavioral changes? Let’s find out.

Loss of Intimacy

Women when it comes to love they’re monogamous, if they’re with another man, they cannot possibly be affectionate with both. The odds are with him, she is more likely to be cold, distant and disinterested in you.

She won’t be the warm, affectionate woman you knew; she will make up excuses for her lack of caring (stress, period, a fight with a colleague).

Along with intimacy, she will no longer be supportive. Even if she was admiring you, now she will no longer idolize you, you’d be just another guy. Nothing special.

Sex Avoidance

She restrains from talking about your sex life, and when you get to finally be together, she doesn’t want to have sex, or you sense how she’s doing it out of duty, rather than passion.

If she’s cheating on you, she will most likely find sex with you disagreeable and unimaginable. She FEARS her sexual behavior will be different, and you will be able to tell. So she prefers to withdraw from it entirely.

Doesn’t Try to Change You (anymore)

No matter how much a woman adores you, there will always be something about you they’d like to change.

If she’s lost that insatiable passion of changing you into her own Prince Charming, perhaps she has already found a ready-made one!

Defensive and Anxious

She is too stressed, even without any apparent reason, she is ready to jump to the worst conclusion and becomes defensive when you try to show interest in her life and whereabouts.

If she’s cheating she will be too anxious about you finding out, that’s all she has in her mind when you’re talking. That’s why she will be aggressive and awkward each time the conversation is about her.

No Time For You

She’s no longer keen to talk with you as she used to be. Rather she makes excuses (more office chores, hanging out with girls, tired) for the lack of time you spend talking.

She might even try to convince you that you are actually the one who’s been withdrawing from the relationship. (Yes we’re that cheeky!)

So What Do I Do Now?

If there are plausible signs that all point to a cheating partner, then, and only then, should you do something about it. You need to verify them first hand.

➨ Verification Process

The most honest, direct way of finding out, is actually asking them. Of course they will deny it. You just need to be persistent. If they ever cared for you, they will have the courtesy (and balls) to own up.

Always remember that it’s their MISTAKE and even though you might have played a role in them cheating, this doesn’t mean it was all your fault. In a relationship, there can’t be just one to blame.

So don’t even try to play the self-blame game. You don’t deserve it, because you weren’t the one ruining your relationship. They were.

➨ Move on. Be happy.

Once they admit to it, it’s your turn to decide. They might even want to get back together, but it’s up to you whether you’ll take them back or not.

If you decide they Do NOT deserve you (Well played!), don’t make the mistake of becoming that sad, self-pitying cheated-on boyfriend/girlfriend.

See this as an opportunity, a life change you ought to take advantage of.

Whether you’re the one who had to move out or not, the possibilities and opportunities are still the same. Grab them and start over.

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  • Louise

    long distance relationship is really hard..

  • martin

    Don’t agree with everything I am currently in a long distance relationship and I started working out, playing rugby again, working on my appearance and even changed my career it isn’t cause there is someone else I just want to be an even better man than the one she fell in love with I am scared that she won’t feel the same when she is back so I’ve descided to better myself not for to impress someone else but just for her…

    • Anamika

      Thanks Martin for your comment. Agree with your point of view and you are doing really great 🙂 It’s hard to find people like you and definitely she will be happy for everything you are doing. Good wishes Martin.

    • Anonymous

      I totally agree with martin, i totally changed my life upside down for the same reason, work for perfection so you can give her the best of the best… But you know what?,… I found out that women you have to treat them badly sometimes they seem to enjoy it somehow, they don’t appreciate anything you do for them when you’re doing everything in your power and will… And I just realised that my girlfriend shows every single sign described below, and I trusted her blindly, I gave the best of me to her and she even thinks I am better then I ever was… Should I be worried? She is definitely not the cheating type she is actually quite reserved but then you know, new friends and their poisonous tongues, and she had a sudden change specially lines like ” I don’t love you the same way anymore” “worry about yourself and take me out of the picture, we will see if I move there or not” its sad when a man is really and deeply in love all you women have to do is supporting and be passionate about us… That’s enough for us to rock your world. Well guess I don’t even have the balls to confront her with afraid of the cold answer, because she lies a lot … here I say to all women learn how to treat your man properly and appreciate every small and big gestures and efforts from our sides, gratitude will bring happiness to our hearts and will boost our will to make more and more.

      • Armando

        @ Anonymous. Wow, I can totally relate. My gf and I have been LDR for 4 years now due to our circumstances. A month ago she had the same signs and when she told me “I don’t know anymore,” that hurt me deeply. She told me to wait for her decision in July, a month and a half from now when she comes home to tell me how she feels in person. To quote you, I feel that “she is definitely not the cheating type she is actually quite reserved.”
        I can only wonder now that she might have made a mistake and doesn’t want to tell me over Skype. It would be decent, but having to wait and (hopefully, not) hear about it face to face would be very difficult and painful. We talk almost everyday now, but for a two month period (until it occurred to me) I was making the effort to contact and she didn’t. At first it was about having so much work etc., but she admitted to deeply seated problems with our relationship. That said, I don’t want that to have been an excuse for her to cheat.
        Good luck on your current endeavors, I’m happy that you and I are trying to be better men and giving them the best of ourselves. I’m working on myself anyway because if the proverbial “stuff” hits the fan I want to be up and running and not be knocked down.

  • Jessica

    I’ve been with him for 1 year. I live in Europe he is from the Galapagos islands.
    For 1 year he kept on saying he was coming over and henever did it.

    So last april I went over there to make him a surprise…he made the surprise to me. he was with a girl (a girlfriend he had at the same time he was with me).

    Have seen him 2 times (for about 2 weeks each time) in 1 year because he never came visiting me (he didn’t have money, he was busy etc etc), not even when I said I was paying the flight ticket to him.

    I always made the effort to see him and this was the way he paid me back.

    Seems like he has a couple of Long Distance Relationships with other girls…left the islands crying without saying any word to him.

    Thought to move there with him soon, we made so many plans. Now I’m back…moving on.
    I’m happy now, it could go over and over for longer time, my only regret is the time I spent planning a life together that he never really wanted and he never said he didn’t want to).

    • Anamika

      Jessika, sorry to know about it. I can understand how it might feel. Anyway, it’s great that you are happy and moving on successfully. There is no point of maintaining a relationship with someone who doesn’t deserve your true love.

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